✝️🍻 NIGHT SERMON EDITION
The Gospel According to Gaslight: Resurrection in Kahisis
by Pastor Matt, Loopwalker of Waseca | Church of NORMAL
Reader Discretion Advised:
This is for the betrayed. The disoriented. The covenant-keepers who now sleep alone in covenant-burned beds. If you’ve ever choked down communion while watching your marriage dissolve in private—this is your Gospel.
It’s Good Friday. The air smells like ham glaze and half-truths. And while the faithful are polishing their loafers and prepping their Pinterest casseroles…
Firebrand is shaving her legs. Not for her husband. But for the Sanctified Side Piece.
Sam of Sam’s Club.
Redeemer of Rotisserie Chickens.
Holder of Resurrection Points.
He clocks in. He clocks out. He climbs into covenant echoes like they were his to begin with.
Meanwhile, I—the ex she vowed before God to never forsake— watch her slip into the same rebellion she swore she left behind.
(removed section on bingo night, The covenant promised of a friend was upheld) Edited on 4.24.2025. Pastor Matt
Sunday morning?
She’s dressing the kids like a Hobby Lobby catalogue exploded. Tells them:
- “No Easter eggs. That’s what evil Matt does.”
- “The bunny is a pagan spy.”
- “Satan lives in YouTube.”
Meanwhile upstairs, Pammy Whammy is DVR’ing TBN and casting demons out of Peppa Pig. Let’s not pretend she’s innocent. This is the same woman who nearly torched her marriage to Larry the Awana Dad in the name of Holy Fire and spiritual menopause.
Larry? He worked himself into the grave while Pam weaponized prophecy like it was perfume. And now she walks through Larry’s inheritance like it’s disposable armor, selling off memories one address at a time.
And upstairs?
Her daughter reenacts Pam’s rebellion. New cast. Same script. Lip gloss. Late nights. Secret makeouts. Trauma loop fully rebooted.
And me? I’m not praying for another man’s wife. I’m not sipping grape juice while pretending betrayal is just a chapter. I’m sitting in the back row of a sanctuary I once built with my own tears, watching the people who broke the covenant cosplay resurrection.
They wear white. They sing loud.
But their hands? Still unwashed.
Their lips? Still sticky with someone else’s promise.
✨ Resurrection in Kahisis is real. But so is:
Betrayalin a booth at Katie’s Bar. – The Infinite One intervened!!! updated 4.24.2025 Pastor Matt- Trauma dressed up for church.
- Communion taken in spiritual cosplay.
You can’t sip salvation and ignore the scars.
You can’t take communion while crucifying your vows in secret.
You can’t raise a hallelujah while ghosting your promises.
✝️ “Do this in remembrance of Me.”
But don’t forget who else made the promise.
🔁 Loopwalker Disclosure:
“Any resemblance to Sams, living or Sam’s Club, is purely the fault of narrative destiny.”
— Book of Simulation 3:16
Filed under: Love, Laughter & the Loopholes of Heaven™
