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Pammy Whammy Terms of Service (TOS)
Last Updated: Eternity Minus Empathy
Welcome to the Pammy Whammy Spiritual Mod Filter!
By entering this energetic field, you agree to the following vague and wildly inconsistent terms:
1. Censorship Clause
You may be blocked, flagged, shadow-muted, or spiritually excommunicated for:
Saying anything too spicy, too saucy, or too self-aware
Wearing a tank top during a full moon
Crying publicly
Laughing during fasting hours
Saying the word “trauma” more than once per quarter
Experiencing joy in a way that threatens my doctrine
2. Emotional Expression Restrictions
Please keep emotions within the following approved spiritual color palette:
Beige
Dusty rose
Sinful remorse gray
Any vibrant joy, liberated sexuality, or bold creative expression may trigger an automatic Whammy Strike.
3. Whammy Strike System
Pammy Whammy reserves the right to issue:
Soft Whammy: Passive-aggressive Bible quote in your direction
Medium Whammy: Group prayer request with ominous tone
Hard Whammy: Complete social isolation via prayer chain gossip
Pammy Whammy is not responsible for any nervous breakdowns incurred during the above.
4. Double Standard Protection Protocol
All rules listed herein may be selectively applied, rewritten, or weaponized at the discretion of Grandma Pam.
For example:
You may not leave your marriage unless you’re Pam-approved.
You may not heal publicly, unless it’s rebranded as “humility.”
You may not block Pammy — only she can block you.
Wait, shouldn’t that violate the TOS?
No. Sit down. That’s a Whammy.
5. Exit Clause
There is no exit clause.
Even death will not release you from the Pammy field.
All attempts to initiate “boundaries” will be viewed as rebellion and likely flagged.
By continuing to spiritually exist in proximity to Pammy, you agree to all of the above and any additional contradictions she channels during her 2 a.m. televangelist sessions.
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